He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
