We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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