I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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