Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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