come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
