Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
