remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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