My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
