Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
