I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
