5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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