The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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