Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
