he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
