i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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