Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
