I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
