I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize