where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
