i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
