He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
