also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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