p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
