oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
