The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
