you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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