you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
