no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
