Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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