Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
