I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
