New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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