Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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