You work out of a Hotel?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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