Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I party with great urgency now.
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