I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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