It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
