I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize