It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
