pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We need to get me chipped asap
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