Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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