PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
