I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
