I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
