we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
