I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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