She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
