so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
