Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
