shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
