Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
