By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
