Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
