I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize