Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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