I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
