Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
