took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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