I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize