K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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