apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
