Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
