is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
