you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
