everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
