You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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