I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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