I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Two words: blizzard sex
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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