u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
