Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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