I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
