you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
