Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
