I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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