Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
