I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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