Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
