The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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