It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
