I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize