I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize
