guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
