I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
