you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
