I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
