She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize