whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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