I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
