You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
