There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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