Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize