Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
